Maa..
It’s been a while I have been away from you. I really miss you.
So far I never made any public posts for you thinking, you and I are just us.
But today, I couldn’t stop myself because it’s just not about us. There are so many people holding on just for you and your love you selflessly shared. I am just hoping that you will some how read this and know how even after you have gone, there is so much you have done for me.
The past one year changed so much for me. My career, our family, my marital status and much more.
I always had wished that when I get married you would tell my new family –
मेरी छाया है जो, आपके घर चली,
सपना बन के मेरी, पलकों में है पली,
राज़ की बात बतायें, ये पूँजी जीवन की, शोभा आज से है ये, आपके आँगन की
But, you couldn’t be there to see your sunshine becoming a bride. When I was getting ready that day, I looked for your validation about my look. I still haven’t found it and Maa… it is bothering me.
I had never shopped without you. You always made sure to join me atleast through a video call. It has been tough to decide what is best for me (in all aspects) maa. Please be around mummy. I need you.
Being known as Dipti’s daughter has and will always be my biggest compliment. Even today our family and friends tell me that I manage life as you did. It’s a pleasant thing to hear, but, I sulk every time I hear that, missing you.
You know Maa.. you maintained relationships so well that I had the entire family by my side during the wedding just for you. All your brothers proved it again and again that there is Ma twice in MaMa. Your co-sisters and sisters stood for the ‘ma’ the words Mami and Masi. Your other 2 daughters (though the world calls them your co-sister and niece) grew up to take responsibilities to an unimaginable level and Papa tried being you always.
Small things he did, asking how my day was, caressing my head when I am asleep, fighting with anyone who would try to bully me and so much more. He misses you a lot, Mummy.
Our little one has sulked the most. She cries once we all are asleep looking at your photo. She lost her support system, her secret keeper, her BFF. I tried filling that vacuum for her maa. But I could never be you. Today when I see her, I remember every time I said with jealousy, she is your first daughter – she truly is!
How did you do so much in such a short time? How did you make your place in everyone’s heart so gracefully? How do you manage to come in my dreams often to remind me of the missed out things? Today, when I am sorting my new life, I miss you the most.
It feels nice to see Shriram calling you mummy. It touches when he takes me to the terrace to see the most shining star and says it’s you. But, it feels bad to realise that you couldn’t spend more time with him. He misses his pep talks with you and often quotes you.
As you had told him – This too shall pass. But the pain of your absence is just not passing away.
You have touched so many souls. My friends call you mummy too and that is priceless. Thank you for blessing me with great friends just like yours.
However, like always, I will still wait for you in my dreams to calm the storm within me.
Please find a way back to me maa.. please. I really really miss you.
I will wait for you at our coffee date at your favourite brand. Make sure to make me feel your presence.
Lots and lots of love always.
Your Sunshine